Living Childhood Again

Last week I made a special effort to get outside and play with my kids after dinner. It has become difficult for me to accomplish everything I want to. I'm not sure how I used to do it, but it seems like I can't get anything done anymore. I used to cook good dinners every night, keep the house relatively clean, and we even went out and did some fun things regularly, like go to the pool every week, and play at parks. It seems there is no time for any of that anymore. I'm really not sure what happened, or how I used to do that! I think it does depend on how busy I am at work. It has been crazy lately, and I don't have time to do little errands during the day that I usually do. I guess I'll blame it on that now. And I do love digital scrapbooking, but I have to watch myself, because I do start spending too much time with it, if nothing more than searching for free things to download.

So with all that in mind, last week I decided I had to make a really special effort to spend better time with my kids. It seems like all I'm doing is disciplining them. I made a good quick dinner and then went out to jump on the trampoline with them. Well, I got on it with them, and let them jump. That was pretty fun; I think I might be too silly with them, I don't know if they'll ever take me seriously. But when I was starting to get tired of that, I tried to distract them, and told them both to lie down next to me and look at the clouds. There really weren't that many clouds, and I expected them to both blow it off and start jumping again. Sarah pretty much did that; she is in her own little mind and world, the world of a 2-year-old. But Zach looked up and instantly said, "A bunny! A dinosaur! A mouse!" Suddenly I remembered a day when I was very young, less than 5, because we lived in Louisiana. I remember my family lying on lawn chairs, looking at the clouds and seeing all kinds of things up there. I wonder if that left such an impression on me because years later I did it again, and saw nothing. There were no clouds that looked like anything recognizable, and from then on, it seemed I never saw anything in the clouds again. Lying there looking up with Zach and listening to his descriptions of what he saw, however, I realized it wasn't the clouds that had changed - it was me. I could see what he was talking about, but had to use my imagination. Something it seems I maybe forgot how to use. What a wonderful reward for making that small effort. A tender mercy of the Lord, I believe, a blessing from Him. My children, I have to admit, can be difficult to deal with. I'm sure it's me, because I am too busy with the little things of daily life to take the time and open up the opportunity for these experiences. I'm grateful for it and for Zach's imagination. I'm told by people time to time that he does have quite an imagination. Love that boy, I hope I can convince him that I do and he never doubts it.

No, really

It appears that this is not a priority. Which is fine, because I have too much to do as it is. Any "free" time I get is spent working on my photoshop digital scrapbook. I really enjoy doing that, especially more than regular scrapbooking, although I do burn out from it from time to time. I've realized that my energy level is directly related to how many nights in a row I've awoken from sleep. We are now going on about 8. Sarah just won't eat. Until between midnight to 2:30am, then she's ready to eat. Last night we let her cry it out because honestly, I couldn't move. At some point she's got to be old enough to realize that if she doesn't eat dinner or snacks, she doesn't get another chance in the middle of the night. It's a miracle that despite all that crying in the middle of the night, she wakes up eager to see me and be held. At what age does resentment and festering anger set in? I'm grateful we aren't there yet. I can see the progress with this with Zach. He doesn't always eat dinner or get his bedtime snack but he doesn't wake up in the middle of the night wanting it. He does regularly want his breakfast earlier than I want to get up and fix it, but if he's up in the middle of the night, he just wants to get in bed and John and me. Fine with me as long as he goes right back to sleep!

I signed up for a weight training class that started 2 weeks ago. I was hoping that I'd be down some weight by now because of my renewed motivation and routine. No. I'm too tired to even think about it. Just going through the actions right now. I hope we can get Sarah back on board with this sleeping thing and maybe I will start to feel like a human again. It can't last forever, right???

Hoping to get a new fence put in the yard in the next month. Can't believe how much money it is going to cost. The people who put up that wood fence should be required to chip in for the cost of our new one! I guess I should be glad there was one at all, since we had to have one. Two years ago was Zach's "it's so funny to run away from you" stage and we are full on into it with Sarah. I'm hoping that we are within a year of that passing for Sarah. It's so fun to see them grow and develop. I know that just brings new challenges, but they are getting so fun and wonderful. Life is good today! (Although I am still very tired.)